Donald asks…
Why is my toddler afraid of the shower curtain?
My 23 month old girl has been afraid of the bath since about 15 months. We got new toys, bath paint, changed everything up and sometimes it would ger a little better. But other times she would panic and scream the whole time. She would always push herself into the front corner by the facet and wouldn't move from there.. not even to get a toy that floated away. At around 19 months I noticed the terrified look on her face as she was looking at the shower curtain that was pushed to the back corner. It was then that I realized that she has no problem with the bath. Its the curtain. Baths have gotten a little easier but she still freaks out if it gets near her. I have to open the curtain before shes in the room or bath time will be terrible. If it is closed she wont come into the bathroom. She stands outside the door and stairs with a scared look on her face. It seems like a strange fear. Shes never had a traumatic bath experience so I don't know why she suddenly became so afraid of it. Any one have any ideas as to why she got like this? Thanks.
I have tried showering with her but she holds on to me the whole time. Ive also changed curtains 4 times. but the curtain is never closed when she is in there. I have showed her as best I can that it wont hurt her.
admin answers:
She may have had a dream, or like you said a strange fear. But its not really the why that's important but how are you going to help her overcome this without further scaring her. Have her sit in the doorway and express that it is the curtain. Once she does you touch it, show her it's ok. Go for a bath WITH her and each time close the curtain more. In our house our girls are too scared of the it, but not the curtain itself. They are frightened because they cannot see through it. We went to walmart and bought a clear see through shower curtain (which my scared 4yr old chose) with big pink daisies all over it. So when in the bath she can see out and its not intimidating.
***Kids have wild imaginations remember. As a child I would NOT swim in the deep end even of public indoor swimming pools because my imagination had me thinking there were sharks in it lol.
A thumbs down for personal experience and how I as a mother dealt with it lmao some people are too much :D
Lizzie asks…
Baby stuff questions? ?
So first off does anyone know where I can get a baby gate for a 5 foot wide stair way? And it needs to be STURDY!!!!!!! it's for at the top of the stairs and I dont want to be freaking out about a toddler leaning on it and falling down a flight of stairs because it wasn't sturdy enough.
Where can I get a cheap play pen, changing table, dresser, and book shelf?
And how can I incorporate a theme into the nursery? The crib is a dark wood and the room is painted a light tan color, can't buy a new crib set so thats out and can't repaint. I've got a bumper pad that I'm going to refurbish with new fabric when I deside on the nursery theme. I was thinking about trying to find a patterned rug or something to make a theme around but I don't know. So any ideas will be appreciated. Btw the room is for a 6 month old baby girl.
I dont think your bossy and I'm thankful for your concern, but I just thought I would let you know that nobody is going to be hanging of the gate, I'm just thinking about when shes a toddler and is in a big girl bed, what if she wakes up before me or is running around or is walking across the hallway from the bathroom or something and falls up against it? I just need a back up in case I can't get to her before she makes it to the stairs.
admin answers:
Babies R us has the best baby gates.
For the rest of the stuff you can go to second shops that deal with only babies and kids. You can find stuff super cheap there and in good condition.
For the theme of nursery, just get everything in pink. Pink and tan go nice together, Pink blankets, sheets, teddy bears and a pink lamp, would look really nice.
Paul asks…
Unable to change wall color, need to make gender neutral playroom?
So we have this extra room that I'm turning into a playroom. I have a toddler boy and a preschool age girl.
Our landlord will not let us change the current paint color, so I'm trying to figure out a way to make it work. As it is right now it's pretty feminine looking and I'm trying to find a way to incorporate more "boy" colors.
There is a wainscotting on the bottom 1/3 of the wall that's an antique white/cream color. The closet door is also this color as is the top and bottom molding.
http://www.polytec.com.my/images/samples/new_antique_white.jpg
The floors are a hardwood medium brown color.
The walls are similar to this color
http://www.myperfectcolor.com/v/vspfiles/photos/MPC0089239-2.jpg
I need ideas on what colors to incorporate into the room that compliment the current scheme but will also make it less girly. Any suggestions?
admin answers:
Put up a couple of posters
Lisa asks…
I have a child with no empathy?
I have a 16 year old boy I have been taking care of for the last 2.5 years. He seems really charming and sweet to people that meet him, but he has absolutely no empathy or compassion for anyone, including his biological mother, or myself who is now solely taking care of him.
His bio mother is an alocholic and drug user, as was his biological dad. Both were using while he was conceived and as a fetus. He has a short temper, no ability to figure out cause and effect. He was heavily sexually abused by an "uncle" from the time he was 11 to 13 and says he wanted the sex because he got nice things out of it.
He has problems with telling lies. He actually will lie about the dumbest of things and gets angry when caught. He will tell you he's being honest even if there is a room full of people who saw him do it. He's a master manipulator that can turn any situation around to make it look like you are crazy and have mental issues. He never says sorry, and says if he hurts someone, physically or mentally that its "their issue" and they need to get over it. He can scream horrible things one minute and then two minutes later be there smiling.
If he can hurt you emotionally he will sit there with a smug look on his face and brag about it, both to you and others. He says he doesn't feel love for anyone but his mother and the "uncle" that molested him repeatedly.
He generally tries to sneak off to have sex with a list of girls that all think he loves them, and think they are the "only one". When they find out they've been used he says they were lucky to be with him for that night, or that weekend or whatever and to quit whining about being lied to and used.
He is extremely stuck on himself. He spends an hour in front of the mirror each morning, and freaks out if one little hair is out of place. He will tell you and anyone that listens to him that he's the hottest guy out there and that he can get any girl at any time.
I love this kid, but I am being driven nuts by the lying, the lack of emotion (other than anger) and the sneaking around and trying to constantly have sex. The therapist says he has no compacity to show empathy and has Reactive attachment disorder and possible BPD. Add in the fact that he hurts animals and kids and I am frustrated.
Also, he is currently clean and sober, but in the past was an extremely heavy drinker ( DUI at 14) and drug user ( Pot, huffing freon, sniffing paint, and glue, mushcrooms, acid a couple times as well as abusing his "uncles" stash of Oxies and norco pain pills for a couple years.
Has anyone had success in dealing with a child like this and making a break through? I am on my last nerve with it. I would hate to make him leave, but my self esteem is shot, I am tired of wondering if I am going to get hit, and the fighting is driving me nuts. I have three other sons that I raised from toddlers and they are turned out fine and went on to good lives. I can not figure this kid out.
Any ideas???
admin answers:
I wish I had better ideas to share, I take care of my adopted brother who has equally disturbing but different issues.
You know that what you have here is a long and difficult future ahead of you both. It's important that you be healthy and be there for him though. It's not likely that these issues will be fixed before he is 18, maybe by 21 or 25 if he has a really lucky life and he tries hard.
It's most likely that he will be lying, cheating, manipulating and taking the hard road in life while creating pain for everyone around him for many years. The best thing that you can do is to take time for yourself to recharge (As often as possible!) and Read Read Read Read Read books about Reactive Attachment and BPD. Read books, read articles, subscribe to journals, watch movies, and keep talking to people who deal with similar problems.
He will need love and support more than 99% of other people out there but you have to keep learning new ways of handling the trouble he is going to get himself into.
Try hard to inspire him to know that there is a different way to live and it's up to him to figure out what that is.
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